"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
