Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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