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Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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