weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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