K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
