in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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