Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
