were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Go christen that room with your naked body.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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