she looked like the before picture.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
