so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
