it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
