Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
