I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
