Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
