The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
