There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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