Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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