I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
