I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
