SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dick very happy bro
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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