Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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