Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
