How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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