i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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