The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Of course I have a pirate flag
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
