if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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