I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
