The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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