either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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