You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
