Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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