he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
