its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
