she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
