I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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