just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
