About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
