she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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