the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
