Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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