he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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