She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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