Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
