the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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