I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
