think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
