dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
