Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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