You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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