Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
