If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
